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“When the music fades and all is stripped away and I simply come” I’ve often sung this song and though I meant every word of it I am realizing that God will sometimes take us seriously and allow situations to occur that will show us how much if at all, we mean it!

Take Job he was a man who was “blameless and upright, a man who feared God and shunned evil”Satan was confident he could destroy him God was even more confident that he wouldn’t! I’d often asked myself the question “would I respond in the same way?” Passionately hoping that I would.

However life has a way of throwing things at us and in the past couple of months there have been struggles, loss, despair and a stripping away of the veneer of protection I’ve built around myself over a number of years.

Saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit for a good number of years I entered worship ministry and read every book I could get my hands on about worship, character, anything that would prepare me for what I understood God was calling me into. I read about God becoming the foundation for everything and I was determined that Jesus would always be my number one. That I would not become one of those casualties that somehow end up battered and beaten. That my heart would always remain soft and pliable.

But the truth is life took over. The best laid plans were buried under a pile of rocks called busyness, and activity. One day I woke up and discovered I’d become everything I vowed I wouldn’t!

The music was stripped away for a period and suddenly I had time on my hands and I didn’t know what to do with it. In all honesty (and yes this is what I’m trying to be here!) I found myself a distant stranger with God. This amazing wonderful loving Father I’d been singing and even writing about had been pushed to the back of the line of my life. Low down on the ladder of value.

I found myself looking into a mirror where the only thing looking back at me was my own insecurities that said I was washed up, finished, of no use to God or His kingdom. I had to stare at that face and make a decision. Was I going to roll over and die to the enemy or kneel down and die to my Saviour? It took a while. I didn’t want to admit I’d become a text book example of how not to walk this narrow road!

Weeks of rest in the practical gave me space to be honest, to re establish my priorities. To get real with God over my insecurities, my rejection issues, and my own warped self worth.

Listen reader please do listen and take heed there is nothing that can fill the void of insecurity. It is like a massive insatiable appetite. The more it’s fed the more it needs. People can tell you you’re great, you did great, you’re loved but there is only ONE who can fill that void and He won’t always tell you what you want to hear but He will always tell you what you NEED to hear.

In this period I knew I was being crucified with Christ and that my resurrection day would come. It has to!! Life in Christ can only come through death in Christ. You can’t have one without the other.

But I’m still here, after many days and nights of tears of sorrow, grief, disappointment, and loss there is a crack of light as the stone across the tomb of my choices has started to roll away.

I have promises over my life, words of prophecy of great things to come but nothing can compare to the love, patience, peace, mercy and grace of the one who died that I may live.

I intend to live, I intend to love, but only through Christ who strengthens me.

So why write this? Why put it all out there, lay my heart on the line? Well I see so many people just like me who want so much to do wonderful things for Christ. To input into the lives of people to show them a love that is beyond anything they could ever hope or imagine. I also see how the enemy has changed his tactics. He’s a lot more subtle in these days. He’s gone from prowling to slithering! Whispering to us to work, work, work, with no balance. I want to encourage you to remember the sabbath!!

Wise up, slow down and live. Really live. Ministry is in our every day life. It’s the one in front of you that needs a smile, a touch, a word of encouragement. Jesus died for the one and the one was you and me. The one became hundreds and the hundreds, thousands, and the thousands, millions and the millions, billions! Now that’s revival!